


Of Dinner And Change

by JLMay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 19:19:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15647271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JLMay/pseuds/JLMay
Summary: Hermione and Draco reflect on how they become friendlier over their last year at Hogwarts.





	Of Dinner And Change

**Author's Note:**

> The characters and Harry Potter universe belong to JK Rowling.

I always love an I-told-you-so speech. I told my best friends that people can change, well people always change. The world changes, as she grows and gets older with all her pain and misery and happiness and everything human brought to her. The world has been burnt and brought back to life. Again and again. Too many times, that people lost track. She’s fine. The world, I mean. She has magnificent healing power that even the biggest chaos never been caused by human, but by herself. And she just shrugged it like nothing. No. Human. Power. Is. Big. Enough. To. Destroy. Her. And she will be fine again. She will change. Adapt. To even the slightest changes brought to her. 

And human. Oh, who are we, really? Human are just a speckle of dust in the wind. That! And to think that we will stand a chance to create a disruption to the world is baffling. We human had nothing to challenge the power she has. So, no. Don’t. Just live well. Grow, get older, and get mature. Change. That was what we had to do. Adapt. That was human nature.

So, when I first met him again, I was certain that he changed. How far, how deep, how significant, I didn’t know. Not that I cared either. Well, I cared. But not for ridiculous reason like hoping that somehow we could be friends and hanged out together drinking and talking. No. It was a human nature to concern about other person’s well-being. It was a human nature to notice other person’s attitude to later decide how we will treat them. It was a human nature to care. No matter how horrible they were to you. Well, if I was being honest, it was more fascinating to take notes how horrible people change rather than the ‘safe’ person you took on your friendly friends list.

Not that I stalked him to notice how he changed. No! That was unnecessary. And blatant. Because I didn’t care, remember? And apparently I didn’t really need to do that either. He was very civil. And polite. And somehow always on my sight. I didn’t even need to try too hard to notice his thinner feature. He was always a lean boy throughout our time at Hogwarts – and that was just fitting. I always depicted him as a proper villain in my life as student. Not only that his attitude was always spiteful towards me and my friends, but physically wise he fitted the mean and lean model of a malicious person. Now, it was way too thin. I know what he had been through, at least in general, because that was necessary. Know your enemy.

His change, though, not only limited to his now-thinner-figure but also to his attitude. It was unnerving at first, because I didn’t really know how to respond him properly when he was being all civil and formal to me. Of course, being polite in return was appropriate.

***

I always found her refreshing. Refreshing? Understatement of the year. I fancied her. Love? I didn’t know, but fancied her, yes. I could admit that, at least to myself. So, to found out that we would work together as Head Boy and Head Girl was exciting. But I could not throw my arms, punching the air and scream ‘HELL YES’ out loud, couldn’t I? Not even at my private chamber at home when I read the letter from Headmistress McGonagall. Not at my compartment nor my private dorm after I met her earlier in the train. Not when I wandered alone near Black Lake when I thought about it again. No. I hid it. I masked it. Not that I was ashamed of my feeling because, Dear Gods, finding her attractive was an easy task. She was clever and brave. She was pretty too. So, it was only normal to fancy her, to crave for her attention, to be around her. 

It was because I was not at my top. My family was not perfect and being exposed in such a way made it worse. My father was in Azkaban and my mother was under house arrest. It was a miracle for me to be allowed to finish my study at Hogwarts. I was ashamed of those times I treated her and her friends. I was ashamed of my family’s involvement in the war. I was ashamed of myself that when I saw her, I could only manage a quick smile and a very formal hello. I was even embarrassed by how ridiculous I might look. Who am I to even hope she will be nice and kind to me all of sudden.

But she smiled back. So, I thought I did just fine. I was very happy just to know that and found a little difficulty in hiding my grin. Merlin!

***

No real conversation. We know how to be professional, to fulfil our duties and to pay respect to each other. And Head duties were easy-peasy. I almost think this last year was boring. Between classes, duties, and studies, I still can manage to read classics and lounge. Oh yes lounge. That should explained how busy I was. I might consider learning foreign languages. French maybe or Spanish or Estonian? Or Welsh, maybe? Was that not foreign as Wales was still British, but language-wise very foreign to English. Sorry, I meant, of course I was busier compare to other students. But if I compare it to my previous years, then this was totally bland year. Anyway, I tried to enjoy it. I now can feel how relaxing it was to be a student, properly. No sneaking out, no missions, no worrying at impeding war, on top of school assignments and duties. No. Just being a student.

No real interaction. I said that a lot, didn’t I? Real? Every of our interactions were polite hellos and greetings. Not formal, no, friendlier one. Especially later, when the ice was properly melted, we were then being friendlier. That was when the interactions were not only strictly businesses, but also about classes, home works, and assignments. And comments. And personal opinions. And sometimes dreams. And passion. And future. And feelings. Not that I have no friends to talk about all those things because I had a lot of friends even before the war. It was just, well, I found our conversation enjoyable. Now I could say that we were friends because we started to exchange friendly banter too. At least to me, we were friends because even with only limited conversations and interactions – we shared many things and thoughts nonetheless. 

So, that was why I invited him at me-and-my-best-friends dinner party. It was just an ordinary dinner, really, with Harry and Ron. Ron is my boyfriend but technically he was also my best friend. You know, because best friends are one who understands you the most, exposed closely for too long but not tired of you. But Ron also the best friend you would kiss on the lips and everything was just right and not awkward. While Harry, he was like a dear brother and more. Our connection was so precious especially after I lost my parents by obliviation before the war. And I did that not only for their safety, but also for this dear brother of mine I met at the first year. I would do anything for him. Don’t look at me like that you have no right to judge me! That was just how we bond, you know! We three had ups and downs and being separated this whole year was weird – most of the time I found it was uneasy to be away from them because of our closeness but somehow I found it refreshing too. You know, change.

***

I was not a teenager in love with butterfly in my stomach. I was not an adult either. But I knew how to keep a good working environment. Of course, being her partner made my duties easier. She was dedicated and very kind. I was always looking forward of our meeting, tried to find a way to prolong our conversation. I enjoyed her company. I could not say that we were close, but I found we open to each other more. I never had friends before, let alone a close friend. So, to be in this pleasant camaraderie with her was comfortable. It made me reflecting those passed years when I was always on her opposite side and realised what I lost those years. Friendship. Genuine friendship. From her I knew Potter and Weasley were training Auror, how they celebrated their Christmas together, and Potter’s engagement with the female Weasley. They were not here yet they seem close to her. I was jealous of their friendship. She and her best friends. And what? Boyfriend? Weasley? Well, that sucked. I was appalled by the fact that she was infatuated by Weasley because, ugh, how was that possible? But I would trade anything for more time with her, so as long as I still could have this friendship with her, I could live. I would endure the unsettling feeling when I should listen to her talking about Potter and moreover, Weasley. Because most of the time lately, we no longer talked about them anyway.

She must felt the same about this relationship. I could feel it because later, we talked more about expectations and dreams. But then we graduated. Oh, it was too fast I hated it.

The only consolation was that she invited me to her flat few months later. She said it was to celebrate our graduation. Maybe the only sweet thing about this graduation was that we can celebrate it together, even though months later. She said she was busy and found it rather difficult to persuade her friends to agree for my presence in the dinner. Whatever. Because when I say I was ready to trade anything for more of her time, I meant it. Anything. That included spending it with her best friends. And boyfriend? Oh well, I just remember. It was easy to forget that she had one after our intimate talking months ago. 

But some time with her nonetheless.

***

I invited him, and explained it to my Harry and Ron that we were on a very civil term and it was okay if we can manage to be polite to each other bla bla bla. The speech. The speech about change and openness to accept others, even the horrible one. And it was my flat anyway. It was my idea to celebrate my graduation with the closest persons in my life. And he was just graduated too. So, to include him in the celebration is fine, isn’t it?

Not that I found him now somehow significant in my life, because he didn’t. I just thought that it will be better if everyone can tolerate each other. Especially because we understand that we were kids back then. We experienced nasty things. We were burnt and bring back to life. And somehow we had to live again, hadn’t it? That was part of our learning. We were trained to trust, to believe, to fall, to rise, to cry, to endure pain, to be happy, to enjoy happiness. Things that made us mature. Change.

The dinner party was my last interaction with him. We moved on with our life and we seem to do it pretty well. Moving on. I worked the nine-to-five at the Ministry and did pretty well with scheduling too that I manage to keep my flat clean, except my study which was also my dining area in my small kitchen. Books and parchments. Research materials. And biscuits. Sometimes saltines. Or cakes if Ron happened to visit Molly earlier. So messy, it was cosy.

I never met him again. Not until recently. I never keeping track of his well-being like it was before. I didn’t know. Maybe, just maybe, we were in closer proximity before and that we always meet that made it easy to notice him. Not to mention that we worked together the whole year as Head Boy and Girl. Now that we were move on, we seemed to not really care to each other’s life. I noticed, of course, when his father was released from Azkaban, but only because it was on the paper. The paper. That must be it. That was how I knew about his engagement too. Not that I cared. Well, yes I cared, but only because it was a basic human nature to care, remember? I knew too, that he was training as Healer. That was not from the paper, though. That was from gossip. And who are you to judge me enjoying gossip, because naturally I didn’t. It was just sometimes gossips were enjoyable. You know, when you cared enough. Not that I cared. Oh well, who are you again?

***

Two years after that fateful dinner. Fateful, at least for me. Fateful, as I found that I could not stomach her relationship with Weasley. But life must go on. I remembered her talk about change and adaptation to be human nature, which for me now I thought more properly be called survival. It was a basic instinct, really. I had to live, and it was hard because I lived not to my expectation, but mostly to my family’s expectation. I want to live to her expectation which was pretty simple, actually. She wanted me to be a better man. She wanted to be my friend. Well, better man I can handle but being just friend, now that was hard because I wanted more. Who didn’t? After everything we shared, I found it difficult not to want anything beyond friendship. Even though I value our friendship, don’t mistake me, and I fully understand that what she meant was for us to be in friendly manner and share things as it was before. However, it was hard to live with the fact that she was with someone else. 

That was why I walked out. I wanted to move on. I found training to be Healer will need real dedication. Now, that was what I need to forget my feelings to her. And I was engaged now, to a beautiful witch of my parent’s choice. She was beautiful and cheerful and I felt that maybe, just maybe, I could find solace in her. That I could find peace. That I could move on.

***

When we met again, he was in sorrow. He just lost his fiancé. I didn’t keep track of her name, though. I just picked it from the paper. Not the gossip. She was ill. They planned to marry as soon as she got back from hospital but fate, oh fate, said no. She passed away just two weeks ago after four months of struggle. She hoped they marry sooner. Sooner, as in before the ill – and during her time at the hospital, before the death. That, I didn’t get from the paper, or from the gossip. 

It was from him.

That was our second meeting after graduation, and the first after the dinner. He was sad and broken that it was hurtful to watch. So I let him cried on my shoulder. He sobbed and screamed, as if it would bring Astoria back. Yes, her name was Astoria, his late fiancé. Astoria Greengrass. Of course I remember, and no, not because I cared or bothered. Yes, yes, okay, I care, sure, but because it was human nature, alright, to care? Her name was all over the paper like it was a huge thing – big news, that it swept the finance and politic pages. Not being insensitive, but it was exaggerating when you treat the death of a socialite like the crash of a stock market or the embezzlement in government, you know, the proper story – the proper news. But no, I didn’t care because I bothered, it because I didn’t. It was almost impossible not to hear or read the news. Until then, when he sat at my couch and poured his heart out, picturing their future, saying his regrets. That was when I put my mask. We were not friends as we were before, but we definitely shared some connections, I believe, that even my mask was melted away and turned into my real concern for his well-being. 

It was too painful to see him hurt.

***

I was standing in front of her door. It was the only place I could think of. I found peace in her. I could not deny that she was indeed, the closest person I’ve ever had. Even when I thought about her in the most platonic way, I still find her company was something I craved the most. I found solace.

I cried on her shoulder not only because my fiancé had recently died. I love Astoria. I like her enough that I found myself happy to be around her and I want to protect her. But when it came to wedding, I could not picture myself in the altar with her and that was why I delayed it all the time. Even when she was wishing it on her death bed, I could not bring myself to marry her. I didn’t know why. Or I knew why, actually. I may love Astoria, but I didn’t in love with her. However, it was unsettling and very wrong to admit that I picture someone else on the altar. This someone else that I knew I would never stand a chance to be with but always seek her for comfort. I was broken. 

I knew that we would never pass Granger - Malfoy. I always call her last name, and never her given name. Maybe because she never called me mine. I was alright with that, really, as long as I could spend more time with her. At least I could comfort myself as someone special for the fact that I was her only friend who called her by Granger. She would be my Granger. Well, of course I want to make her a Malfoy. I knew was unwise to hope the impossible especially in this uneventful situation. I could dream, yes, but I didn’t want to fly too high no matter how good am I with broom.

She invited me to her friendly dinner again. 

***

So, it was only natural that I invite him again to my dinner with my best friends. Again, in my flat. I didn’t know. Maybe, just maybe, I hate to see him looked terrible because he supposed to be regal. He was the epitome of dignified wizard with class and all sophisticated manner and presentation. Terrible was not a good look for him. That was why I felt it necessary to help him bounce back to his former self. Well, that, and actually it will be good for me too because his sadness started to eat me out.

Our conversations flowed naturally and surprisingly, not awkward. We were passed being civil and polite. I didn’t know Harry and Ron’s interactions with Malfoy outside our two dinners, but they somehow friendly to each other. By friendly, of course I meant friendly banters and comments. Quidditch! Of course they will bond over Quidditch! So generally, the dinner was a success. At least he could hold himself together so I now can see him without this weird feeling inside myself. 

I somehow find it sad to see him not in his top form. Well, he was physically in a much better condition than it was back in that last year of school. He grew and even though I could not say that he was handsome, he certainly was good looking. I thought, of course, it was a combination of a well upbringing, wasn’t it, for him to be well-groomed and pleasant. He was charming, in the sense that he could carry any kind of conversations. Also, his time training as healer just boost his charm, now in the sense of attitude. His ‘old’ self was still there, that was why he still throw banter and sarcasm remarks. By this dinner I realised how much he matured and became that likeable bloke in your group who is knowledgeable and snarky and you simply could not dislike. 

Well, that was a change.

***

She invited me yet again to her friendly dinner with Potter and Weasley. Apparently, she loved to cook and I’d love anything that she cooked. I love her kitchen and her small dining area. That was what she called it. I found it was fine and practical, even though half of the table were stacks of books and parchments. She worked there too, I supposed. I love everything her. So, I offered myself to help her prepare the dinner. More time with her, remember? She didn’t seem to mind. Yeay! She looked happy and that contagious. I smiled all the time and that didn’t escape her notice. She said she was happy that I could mend my heart from the terrible fate of my fiancé. I would not correct her. I would let her thought anything, as long as we can spend more time together doing mundane things. 

So I could see her in this close proximity. 

***

So, naturally, I invited him to yet another friendly dinner with Harry and Ron. He offered to help me prepare the dinner which was surprising. And the more surprising was that he was really helpful. And he was quite smily. I knew it was not even a word. What I didn’t know was why seeing him smile made me happy. 

His relationship with Harry and Ron was blossoming. To my surprise of course, as Ron was adamant about the addition of him to our best friendly dinnery. He said something about taking care of himself better with all his family fortunes and not bothering me. Harry came to the rescue because he was the one with common sense and the greater good things. Surely, it must be Harry that they now seem much more comfortable with Draco around. Draco? Since when he was Draco? He never called me Hermione. I didn’t know why I cared. Maybe it was human nature like I always said before. Harry and Ron acted like they’ve been friends for ages it made me a bit jealous over their easy bonding.

Until.

My boyfriend was not the smartest person to give verbal comment. He was not insensitive, he was just practical. Too practical, sometimes. For him, being males made him stronger physically and emotionally more stable. He can be sad, so sad, like when Fred died at the war. But he moved on quickly. I was sure he was much broken than I was that time. But he somehow managed to pick himself up faster than me, and even helped me out of the distress. Maybe, he was the stronger between us, and I was fine with that. I didn’t mind to admit that. But mind you, I was lost my parents before. So maybe my agony was more of accumulation of my lost and regrets. My emotion that kept hidden until then. The culminations of all sorrows, misery, and pain. And maybe, happiness and relieve.

***

I left the dinner before it was finished. I didn’t know why, but maybe, just maybe, because that annoying Weasle just made nasty remark regarding my late fiancé and my life choices like, do I had time to find some shags in my spare time to help me move on and find a release. I didn’t answer him back. That was unnecessary. I really want to tell him that as a healer I had no spare time to only relax for myself, so found some shag he said? Not that I didn’t want that because it was only natural and your hand was not enough sometimes. I want shags. But, not from just anyone. I regarded myself as a decent being and I would not spoil it by having cheap shags, even from a willing friend. The fact was, the witch I want to shag was his girlfriend and I believe he would be livid if he knew. Well, let me rephrase that because it was Hermione, it was not a shag it was make love. 

I realised that and I didn’t want to appear weak by sobbing by that fact, or worse letting the cat out of the bag. I could always apologise to her later. I was just found it difficult to hide my emotion any longer. So, flight it was.

Since when she was Hermione, by the way?

***

I still didn’t understand how and why Ron made the comment. It was an inappropriate remark of Astoria’s death. Opening the wounds I tried to mend. He said it was healthy to expose him with that, to make him accepted the fate and faced his demon. But I thought, moving on should meant different things to different person. So, when he casually suggested him to go out and about finding decent shag, yes shag, I found it inappropriate. I meant it was fine to tell him to move on, but to just go and find someone to fuck after such a loss, well that was over the line. And I thought that was why Draco excused himself immediately and went without further word. And I thought that was why Ron and I then had a fiery argument and end up broken up.

It started right after Harry left which was pretty immediate as he left right after Draco. It was not a decent brawl. It was started by his concern on my close relationship with Draco, which infuriated me. We supposed to fight about his inappropriate behaviour and comment earlier but suddenly it was about me? Unacceptable! But of course I then tried to explain why I helped Draco – so that he could function like he was before. Ron negated, of course, he wouldn’t understand anyway, saying that we were hiding something between us. Well, I admit, to myself at least, that I secretly like Draco as a man, that I find him appealing and charming. But I could not admit it to Ron (and Draco), and I will not. I found my relationship with Ron was healthy and just fine until he brought the subject. I thought, it perfectly fine to feel another man attractive when I have a boyfriend, didn’t it? I meant I never thought to even act it out anyway, nor that I will respond it if by any chance the person hit on me. Not when I have Ron as my boyfriend. I value our relationship with him so highly that I found his remark about it is very insulting. To the core. 

I was furious.

It must be that. Or maybe, we just hadn’t had any quarrels in months and it was the climax of the tension between us. Maybe, he was just frustrated and we will somehow end up alright again later. Or maybe he did it on purpose because later we argue about family and wedding and work and flat and living together and back again to Draco. I was furious.

So, to make our sleep easier later, I said that it was my fault to make him felt that way and so decide to walk out of our relationship. He was alright with that, surprisingly. Maybe he hoped it? Or that he didn’t understand that I ended the relationship? Or that he believed I will be back to him a week later as always. I didn’t know. Not that I care. No. It was human nature to survive, and not caring, now was a survival. Yes. It must be.

Or I simply didn’t want to care.

***

“Granger”

“Malfoy” 

“Lunch?”

“Sure. Just, wait, okay. Fifteen minutes max. And yes, please wait here.”

There was silent as I watch her busy with her quill. It was almost a week after the dinner and I didn’t know what to say to her. Well, I knew that I would apologise. I just could not form a decent sentence in my mind – so imagine how well it will be on my mouth.

“Done,” she said. She looked at me and smiled. “I’d love to go somewhere more decent for the lunch but I still have many things to finish so … the canteen if that’s alright?” she said with a slight wince but somewhat hopeful face.

“The canteen is fine. I have limited lunch break anyway,” I replied.

***

“About that night … I’m sorry if that upset you. I knew it was insensitive to discuss about your late fiancé. I …” I said as we arrived at the canteen. That was a very long walk from my office, I have no idea why. It usually takes no longer than five minutes.

“It’s alright. I don’t think you should apologise. It was me who left prematurely from the dinner. That was impolite. It was pretty decent meal, though. I love your cooking. And your kitchen was nice,” he answered before I could finish. After a long pause he adds, “And it was not you, anyway. It was your boyfriend who said those things.”

“Well,” I said as we got our meals and walk to an empty table near the garden, “In that case, as you made a very, very strong argument I find it’s impossible to deny you my forgiveness.” I said teasingly with a smile on my face. It was surprisingly relieving to know that he was not mad at me. I continued, “But it was my dinner. I hosted it. So it was right under my purview to, you know, establish a pleasant dining environment. And I am not sure if Ron will apologise anyway.” I laughed lightly. Ron and I were no longer together as a couple but he was still my friend. I felt the need to make amend for his sake.

***

“I … Well, I think I cannot ignore your sincere apology too, then. Truce?” I said. I was still cursing myself for trailing about her cooking and her kitchen. It should be easy to talk to her, shouldn’t it? We did it all the time before. Yet, it was now full of nervousness. Maybe it was because I skipped my shift. No, I was a responsible training healer and already asked Luna to be in my place. So what was all this uneasy tension?

“Truce? Hmm… Only if it’s on my term,” she winked. Oh so adorable. “Over dinner, at my place, and you cook. No less!” she smiled.

“Only if it was just for the two of us. No less!” I said. I didn’t know why I said that but I was feeling bold. Her eyes widened in surprise and I knew that that was a wrong move. Damn. I continued after she didn’t respond, “Well, my latest dining experience with you and your friends was not too pleasant. I didn’t want a repeat. Just, I don’t know, I’m not ready to face them again,” lie, “But of course, if you feel uncomfortable with the idea, we can invite them,” lie, “It will need some persuasion from your side, mind you. But then, if you feel more comfortable that way then that’s fine with me,” big fat lie. 

She smiled and looked at me for a moment. I could swear it was for eternal. Then she cleaned her mess on the table, stood up and then said, “Sure, Malfoy. I think that will be wonderful. I feel like I owe you a decent dinner anyway. I can invite Harry and Ron anytime, you know. But this,” she pointed to herself then to me, “is important to keep my reputation squeaky clean. I don’t want you to start unnecessary gossip about me and the impression of my dinner,” she let a laugh and I tried my best not to ‘accidentally’ place my palms on her blushed cheeks. She kept her position for a while and moved from her seat then said, “Is this weekend fine?” she asked, but kept continue before I could respond, “Owl me. I have some reports to review.” 

“Sure,” was the only word I could manage. 

She excused herself and walked away. I was still overwhelmed with her respond. Then she suddenly stopped and turned around said loudly, “Malfoy!” I jerked up and looked at her direction. She continued, “Me and Ron, we … we were no longer together.” She let a small smile and I gave her a nod. She went back to her destination. I was too surprise to even let a grin. My face blank but my heart fluttered. 

Dream, Draco! Dream!


End file.
